One pointless thought....

To,

The Principal,
Shyama Prasad Vidyalaya,
Lodhi Estate, New Delhi 3.


Dear Madam,

After so many years I realize that the main reason of no reduction in my weight even after so many workouts is the loads of my deed which I am carrying on my shoulder, since my school days. Thus after gathering so much courage today, I am writing this letter to confess my acts of troubling to school administrator, teachers, my class fellows and all the working staff of school with hope that one day or another, I will get a chance to see myself as size "Zero".

Since our class one, we have been taught that our ancestors were ape/monkey. And I think, I am the only one who took this lesson seriously and proved it undoubtable. In fact I would not like to take all the credit by myself and certainly would like to share the honor with my seniors too. Who were just matchless. Naming them in public domain will be bit harsh.

I would like to pay regards to all of my seniors who trained me to go down the benches to unite the shoe laces & tie them together with the other’s foot. And how can i miss to confess that it was me who use to tie the water bottles(kept outside the classroom) just before the school got over so that i could be the first to leave the class while others crying for their bottle being stuck. This relationship with my seniors was never end there. I almost invented a perfect business model during my primary school days with my contacts in middle and senior classes esp. girls, with whom I use to smuggle several canteen food items into primary section and kept teachers wondering about it. This business was flourishing so well that I used to opt for punishment of standing outside the class near girls washroom which was incidentally our smuggling point. But soon many big competitors join me in this business which made difficult for me to survive and thus I ended up losing my entire customer base.

But my quick learning from seniors remains intact like throwing tamarind seed to each other, which was one of the fashion trends of that time. Orange peels were used to make ones eye red, pasting chewing gum in each other’s head was quite gallantry. In one such instance when our science class was in full flow, I wanted to be innovative. Thus I started throwing tamarind seeds on the rotating fan and whenever the blade touched the seed it gave a tannnnnnnn sound and irritates the teacher. But unfortunately i never got much time to explore it more as one of the seed end up on the teachers head. Thanks to my reputation in class, no-one doubted me and this case became a big mystery of that time.

During my middle classes, my innovations were at peak. I kept on inventing or inheriting all new ideas to hide myself from the discipline custodians. Although our school was nowhere in dramatic, but still I could point out few great actors in my school. And fortunately I was one of them. School prayer was one of the best times to portray your art and to ditch all the discipline checks in the way to class. My acting of dehydration was flawless and thus all of my good friends keep me surrounded during my performance time. But unfortunately this trick also has a limitation, as it can't be used all the time. Hence we as a group derived few backup plans to ditch those huddles. We start volunteering ourselves as a workforce for our music teacher and help her in taking all the music equipments back to the music room after prayer and from there we went down to the backyard of the school where we use to play squash without any racket. Although I was not a good sportsman, I had never accepted that throughout my school life. Still most of the time, my innovations set several new trends in my class. One of them was completely miscued punch-squash smash which became so famous that it had broken nearly all of the window pane of the computer lab. Any how my desires to become a good sportsman never end up there. During free time I with my few friends started practicing javelin throw in my class with class broom as javelin. Here again I proved my capabilities by missing the target completely and breaking another window pane. Hope all those window panes have been fixed by now.

By the time I reached senior classes, I start concentrating on the perfection in each of my act. My 11th class english teacher still believe that my name is "Abhishek", as I use to make lots of proxies for him. We use to follow our own timetable and thus utilize those boring classes for enhancing our drawing skills. Class tests were like "Copy + Paste" as there was no difference in the answer of the entire class. My strategy and plans of monkeyness were so perfect that I planted a serial bomb (cracker) blasts in all of the washrooms before diwali at the assembly time without even a single trace. No one still knows who had done it. To stop such act, school discipline committee formed a search squad with me as student incharge to search all the classes/all the bags for crackers with a clear instruction to "Highlight all the Crackers we found". But this time, I completely misinterpreted the instruction and lighted all the crackers we found. That year was terrible from the discipline perspective as we (Prefect Team) were leading all the undisciplinary actions from the front.

Finally in the hope of forgiveness, I want to close my endless confessions here with the final confession that it was me who dented your new Maruti 800 while practicing catches with our cricket ball for which the nearby children were blamed.


Your Monkey Student,
Piyush Maharishi